Sleeping in Your Clothes

After a busy day I sometimes find myself lying on the couch drifting off into a hypnagogic state in front of a monotonously TV screen.

My brain is just awake enough to inform me that at this point I should really get up, brush my teeth, wash my face, get undressed and lollop into bed.

However, if I do get up, brush my teeth, wash my face and get undressed then by the time I am ready to lollop into bed, I'll be wide awake again and the delightful spell will be broken.

So instead I revel freely in the moment that sleep threatens to envelop me.

The enchantment in nodding off and then nodding awake a few minutes later is like a gentle rollercoaster that goes slowly enough to be thrilling while managing to avoid the unpleasantness of any theme park sensations.

Next time this happens to you my friends, remain motionless, allow your mind to wander off and enjoy the thrill of sleeping in your clothes.

Leave the TV warbling to itself and luxuriate in the sensation of stalking slumber.

When you wake in the small hours with a slight chill, you can sleepwalk to your bedroom before your duvet greedily swallows you whole.

"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night"
~~ Dave Barry

This is Bella (Joseph and Charlie's dog) relaxing on the couch in Cromer.  She often sleeps on the couch in front of the TV!  January 2013

Now, Listen Here

There are all sorts of work shops and self-help books for people who find themselves lost for words in social situations, but the people I really wish would get help are the ones who won't shut up.

Recently, as just one example of many, I went to a small dinner gathering where I knew only the hosts - lovely people.  Most of the other guests seemed lovely too, but I can't say for sure. One woman dominated the evening so comprehensively there was no chance to get to know anyone else.  She talked about herself virtually non-stop.

She was oblivious to the discomfort and boredom around her, the restless body language, the glazed eyes, the failed attempts at diversion.  By evening's end, my mouth was locked in a rictus of feigned interest that bordered on cramp.

Some people somehow have never developed to the point where they take an interest in other people's lives.    Experts say one of the really negative things about this is that they don't learn things.  They remain where they are.  Listening is what takes you into another person's world and expands your own.

These people must have a lack of curiosity and maybe had poor role models.

Another psychologist points out that, these days many people may not be getting any conversation modelling at the dinner table at all. She said "we don't sit down and pass the conversation around the table with our families any more".  "It's like a social skill we no longer use".  And email and social media she says are one-way broadcasts.

"You are just trying to get across your message in your own way and in your own time.  And you're not really being mindful of the other".

Conversation is definitely a collaboration, not a performance.  With conversation skills the most important one by far is the skill of listening.  Long after people have forgotten what we talked about, what they will remember is how we made them feel.

It takes two to have a conversation - something we often forget!

“An appreciative listener is always stimulating.”
~~ Agatha Christie

"When I'm in a bad mood, I don't listen".
~~ Cathy Freeman

Sculpture by the Sea, Bondi, Sydney November 2012.  Two sculptures - Wind driven installation of 222 bamboo 'bird-scarers' tuned to D Minor as a reflection on 222 lives lost in the Bali bombings and the Mirador highlighting the complex relationship between man and nature.

Cloud Watching

When we pause to look up from our earthbound scurrying, we will see that the skies offer an ever-changing drama.

Clouds shift and flow and move: the sky is never the same two seconds in a row.

As the sun moves, so the colours change and the interplay between the wind, the temperature and the sun create spectacles of infinite variety.

Clouds will form themselves into fantastic shapes, even for a second appearing to resemble an object from our world: a rabbit, a saucepan, a dragon or a heart.

Then they are gone, ever-changing, formless yet with form, solid yet fluid at once.

Clouds are natures poetry.

"Look up, marvel at the ephemeral beauty and live life with your head in the clouds"

"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add colour to my sunset sky" ~~ Rabindranath Tagore

When I was visiting my friend in Christchurch, New Zealand in February 2012 the sky often put on a display like the photo above.

Be Like Water

"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished."
~~ Lao Tzu

There’s a concept in Taoism, “wei wu wei”, which is often translated as “action without action” or “effortless doing”. I prefer to think of it more in the sense of “action that does not involve struggle or excessive effort”.

This is an important concept, because effortless action is a way to not only achieve focus in a world of chaos, but to be effective without stress, to respond to any situation with economy of effort and action, and to pursue our passions while beating procrastination.

Think for a moment of times when you've struggled to work, and instead procrastinated by heading for your distractions — email, social networks, blog reading, games, whatever your flavour might be. I am very guilty of these distractions!

This struggle is often a losing battle for most of us. We fight against it, but only win occasionally.
According to Lao Tzu effortless action is an easier way to find focus and beat procrastination.

BE LIKE WATER

An appropriate mental image is that of water, which seems naturally effortless in its action. It isn't necessarily still, nor is it passive, but it flows naturally around obstacles and always gets to where it’s going.

This is effortless action. It uses gravity and the natural contours of its landscape, instead of forcing things. Water can never be anything but effortless, and yet it is quietly powerful.

"We must learn to position ourselves effortlessly within each moment, rather than stumbling through time. We can either escape from the moment or stay with it as it unfolds and do something good with it."

And this is exactly right. Are you trying to escape the moment, fleeing from it and struggling against it? Or are you inhabiting the moment effortlessly?

"Simply stay at the center of the circle."
~~ Tao Te Ching

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be."
~~ Lao Tzu

I took this photo in Norway in July 2010, it shows how effortless and powerful water can be. 

My Word for 2013 - Surrender

Every year, I choose (or am led to, really) a single word-concept that will be the overall focus for the coming year.  For 2013 my word for the year will be SURRENDER.

I've been doing this for five years now, and it's a very interesting process. Generally, the things experienced and learned for a given word-concept are ongoing, that is, it's not like the moment the calender swings over, everything to do with that word-concept just stops. It's more like planting seeds, which grow into plants, which keep growing and blossoming and bearing fruit, although the focus changes to some new plant.

In our Western culture, SURRENDER has often been synonymous with LOSING. As in, poor you, you gave in, you gave up, you great big LOSER. Wars are created because the parties involved just couldn't let go, forgive, give in, release.

Surrendering is never seen as winning, in this way of looking at things. Non-resistance is seen as weakness, along with gentleness and passivity. The concepts of honour and saving face rule over all. People are more afraid of losing than of dying horribly and violently.

In 2013 instead of being caught up in what could be, what should be, or holding on to shouldas, couldas and wouldas, I'm simply going to attempt to surrender more to what is.  An alternative word could have been acceptance, but acceptance is done superficially each and every day.  To surrender seems more profound and purposeful, which is precisely why I need to do it more often.

How about you my fellow bloggers? Do you have a word for 2013?

"If you surrender completely to the moments as they pass, you live more richly those moments"
~~  Anne Morrow Lindbergh

This photo was taken at Sculpture by the Sea, Bondi, Sydney in 2008 and made into a Scrapblog.
The artist Steinunn Thorarinsdottir from Iceland called the sculpture "Presence"