To be curious.
To talk to the monsters.
To dance dance dance!
When people are in their stuff.
But they don’t know they’re in their stuff, and they have NOT developed the ability to take responsibility for their stuff.
There is not much I can do in this situation, other than:
a) give them a hug.
b) meet my frustration with understanding and love.
c) meet their frustration with understanding and love.
This is one of the great challenges of....oh, being alive.
I know I’m getting better at it, but man, it’s still a lot of work sometimes.
"The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating -- in work, in play, in love."
~~ Anne Morriss
Went for a wonderful but difficult four hour walk on 3 April 2011 in Garigal National Park. This view is overlooking Bantry Bay, Sydney.
We came upon a beautiful rock formation on our walk - Garigal National Park, April 2011
We stopped for lunch in Bantry Bay and this very friendly Kookaburra was very happy to have his photograph taken. I was only a couple of feet away from him taking this shot.
21 comments:
I've never heard the expression "being in their stuff." I'm wondering if that is what my story is. Hmmmmmmm.
Love that photo. I would endure a four-hour walk to see that view. Beautiful!
I suppose it's better for someone to be in THEIR stuff than to be all up in YOUR stuff. We have a phrase we use with the students: You're all up in my Koolaide and you don't even know the flavor. LOL
Looks like a nice walk. The view is definitely worth the effort.
What a lovely view that awaited you. I also love the photo on your header. I've thought that thought several times but can't remember telling you.
People in their stuff.... I haven't heard that phrase but definitely know people who are in their stuff. I can use your advice to meet frustration with understanding and love and to definitely not make it my stuff.
what a lovely walk. I've never heard that expression either, but that walk would sure help mentally in dealing with people 'in their stuff'.
come by and see this video I found on fake eggs. hope it never reaches Australia.
Wise words as always, Peggy. I'm going to speak to my monsters tomorrow - aka Jack, Hannah and Ava the grandbrats...
Hope you're having a good weekend.
I had no idea I was talking slang using the word "stuff" but there you go, my Aussie vocabulary shines again!
Stuff is not a very "posh" word and can mean lots of different things, like so many other English words. I use it here to convey the frustration of having some challenging friends.
Kim (Housewife)- I don't believe this category fits you my friend. You are too insightful.
Annemarie - I like your expression, it conveys the message succinctly!
Roban - Yes it is easy for other people's stuff to seep into our psyche if we spend too much time with them.....especially negative people.
I LOVE my header photo too! Every time I see it I am transported back in time to beautiful Norway.
Christine - Actually I was walking with a person who was "in their stuff" so I focussed on the beauty of nature and had a wonderful day.
That fake egg video gave me the "heebie jeebies". But unfortunately I feel it is only a matter of time before they reach Australia.
Mike - How lucky to spend time with your little monsters. I think it would be a wonderful idea to dance with them too. :-)
lol yes I know some who are in their stuff. I did try to get them out of their stuff wrong They choose to be in their stuff haha Very stuffy indeed and a steep learning curve to turn frustration in understanding and love, but the right thing to do!
The park is beautiful and I love that bird. I am off (too) long walks for a while as I am not build for it. Stick to the shorter ones.
Marja you are "spot on" about helping people understand their stuff, when they have no idea how bogged down they are in their stuff. Some days I would love to say 'get stuffed' but that is not the way to gain 'brownie' points with the Universe!
Enjoy your shorter walks my friend, they can be just as interesting and are usually very relaxing.
See you soon. :D)
I think you are great at it Peggy!
And I so relate to what you are saying about
"When people are in their stuff. But they don’t know they’re in their stuff, and they have NOT developed the ability to take responsibility for their stuff."
I was with a person like that today. And I did what you suggested. If we seek tolerance in the world - we have to live it. If we seek love - we have to give it.
I had a thought today that sometimes being a true friend to someone requires acts of kindness that they may never acknowledge or appreciate. This is true kindness - for its own sake, for no reward.
P.S. "Talk to the monsters'? Does that include hugmonsters?! :o)
Stoneweaver - As always your wisdom shines through!
True acts of kindness, Random acts of kindness is to send/give a message of love to those that need it, hoping the spirit of kindness will permeate collective lives.
Oh and yes it is vital to talk to 'hug monsters' while you are hugging them......funny lady!
This is my first visit to your blog. I'm in love with your header shot. I want to be there sitting on that dock!
Nancy
everyone I know is in their stuff or however you crazy aussies say it. But I guess they probably all say the same thing about me
Hello Nancy
I would go back to Norway in a heart beat. It was the most scenic, beautiful, peaceful country I have ever visited. I recommend if you are able to, take a holiday there, as the memories you take away are so special.
Shannon - There is stuff and then there is oblivious stuff.....do you get my meaning?? We all have our stuff and we will probably always have stuff but hopefully we take responsibilty for our stuff and learn from it.
I think I have probably stuffed up my explanation! :>
You're back!!! I didn't realize you were posting again but so happy to see you're writing posts again.
Oh, I can SO relate to the frustration of dealing with people in their stuff. It's interesting to me that I can have a healthy detachment with clients but I will probably be working on my reactions with my mother for a long time. In these situations I have such a hard time not telling her "the solution" or what to do to get out of her stuff.
I really love the work of Carl Rogers and other humanist psychologists. What you wrote about what you can do reminds me of some of the things that he believes is the therapeutic value of relationships.
Thanks for your wise words!
Oh those monsters...and their stuff.
Our Australian saint Mary MacKillop's approach was to do everything with love.
No matter what you believe you cant deny that feels so right somehow.
Hello Jennifer and CF.....two of my VERY favourite mothers and writers!
We are all walking the same path, hand in hand dealing with our challenges and difficulties and trying to be at peace with ourselves and the world regardless of outside things.
The big challenge for me is being aware of the difference between the reality in front of me and the meanings I assign to that reality.
Love and understanding sure feels like the solution to healthy relationships.
Keep shining ladies!
Give them a hug. I think that is more important than move people realize.
Yes Relyn, the power of a hug. It is the Universal symbol of love.
Oh my those pictures are breathtaking Peggy. Have you sen those photo books that you can get from Harvey Norman photo centre online? I have been creating photo books of some photos and they are wonderful books. you have so many great photos that would be great in a coffee table book.
I nodded my head when I read the post and your commitment. Trying to keep in the light is all we can do.
I read this somewhere the other day on a blog which I love. "They say the grass is greener on the other side. The grass is actually greener where you water it." I have to remember that. There is no better place then where you are now and you have to nurture it to keep it that way.
It is bloody hard!
Thank you for your generous compliment about my photos Lilly. Yes I have seen the photo books at Harvey Norman and other outlets...one day I will get around to making some books.
I LOVE that quote about watering the grass where we are now. We have both learnt that haven't we. In my old life I rarely saw how much I really had because I was so busy looking at the lives of others.
A friend related this story the other day about the same quote:
"The grass is always greener on the other side", then added - "yeah and the water bill is higher"!
Post a Comment