Thursday, 27 May 2010

No Interruptions Please

OK, we get it. People in Iceland are perpetually cold. But does that mean they have to take it out on the rest of us? For the past couple of decades, they've been doing their best to bring the world to its knees.

First it was the export of Bjork, a woman whose singing pitch causes seizures among laboratory mice. Then it was the global financial crisis, with Iceland queueing to be the first country to go broke, after a collapse in the futures market for herring.

The Icelandic economy still had its AAA credit rating but the three A's were henceforth followed by the letters RRRGGGHHH. Suddenly, everyone realised Iceland mainly consisted of ice — a fact, you may think, the Icelanders had disclosed when they named it Iceland.

Still, no one was more surprised than the world's financial experts — a group of people who were already shocked to discover that unemployed people in the US's south sometimes found it hard to repay their home loans.

In the aftermath of these revelations, the world demanded that Iceland start paying its way. In response, Icelanders have developed a new export industry: ash.

They are distributing it by air, all over Europe, sourcing it from a volcano, the pronunciation of which is impossible unless the speaker is simultaneously regurgitating fish.

Traditionally, when a volcano went up, the response was to throw in a few virgins to propitiate the gods. Presumably, the world's airlines tried gathering cabin staff for sacrifice but were stymied when Qantas couldn't find any virgins.

I find myself spluttering with arrogant questions. Can't we just pour concrete into the volcano? Or blow it up? Or have Bjork sing to it?

Apparently not. We are like ants running around this thing. It's a power beyond us: a super-sized lava lamp with a missing "off" switch.

Annemarie and I are flying to Norway on 13th July and return 27th July. I hereby ask (plead) Eyjafjallajokull to take a vacation as well, in the depth of your own being and curtail any eruptions until after those dates.....or for another few hundred years!

"The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasent things as interruptions of one's "own" or "real" life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life---the life that God is sending one day by day: what one calls one's "real life" is a phantom of one's own imagination."
~~C.S. Lewis

Sculpture by the Sea, Bondi, Sydney - November 2009


McMGrad89 said...

Whoa! Are you channeling Andy Rooney?? This is great!

zhen said...

I started to feel a bit defensive for my beloved Bjork, Iceland and Mother Nature!!!

zhen said...

but I did find this post entertaining well written and i like the straight talking style! haha

Mike Smith said...

Hmm. First, Iceland goes bust, then the island goes up in flames. Sounds like an insurance job to me...

miruspeg said...

Annemarie - I have NO idea who I am channeling but they are certainly cheeky!

Zhen - Looks like I can't take responsibility for the post as I was channeling!
I would LOVE to visit Iceland one day and see it's wonders.

Mike - Trust you to think it could be a scam. Do you think England is a contender....LOL

Christine said...

oh poor Iceland! The Norway trip should be fine!?

miruspeg said...

Christine - I hope I don't fall into a burning ring of fire because of this post.
Apologies any Icelander's out there reading this.

Hybrid J said...

What a good read ... real issue sprinkle with your unique humour. Wishing you a fantastic trip to Iceland. And eternally grateful to your support and loving wishes. You're a gem in blogland, my dear friend! ;D xxoo

miruspeg said...

Hybrid - This trip Annemarie and I are going to Norway....maybe Iceland in a year or two.
Ahhh thanks for being a gem yourself my friend! :-)

Evil Shannanigans said...

better ash than oil I say. Either way this planet is effed. Come to Canada where there are no active volcanos, oil spills, or many catastrophes, other than no Canadian team will bring home the Stanley cup this year

miruspeg said...

Shannon - I feel our planet has a bit of life in the old girl yet. But I am travelling around as much as I can before more of it gets destroyed by natural or human intervention. Canada is getting higher up on my list so if you are still there in a couple of years expect a knock at your door and a big bear hug. :-)

Can-Can said...

And yet you're going into the belly of the beast after "talking trash" about them. You're a brave, cheeky and laugh-out-loud funny woman. Best of luck w your trip.

miruspeg said...

Candelaria - You sure have a point about "talking trash" but Icelanders do have a sense of humour don't they! We Aussies are born cheeky and I was probably being channeled by Dame Edna Everage even though he/she is still alive.
Thanks for dropping by and for your well wishes. :-)

Avtcoach said...

By far your funniest post yet! I can't stop laughing! I am going to insist that that ash stay back until after your trip! :)

miruspeg said...

Awww thanks dear friend. And thanks for insisting that the ash stays away while we are visiting have connections don't you!!
Welcome back to the blogosphere, you have been sorely missed. :-D
Peggy xxxx

Ninette's Pacific Coast Photos said...

I have read this...but just read it again. SO funny! I read a book, "The Geography of Bliss: One Grump's Search for the Happiest Places in the World." Eric Weiner talked about Iceland and how happy they are as a people. So, this was a funny and enjoyable follow up to those thoughts.

Marja said...

Hilarious I can't stop laughing but sadly all true although I can't say this about the singer because I don't know him
I keep my fingers crossed for you that the vulcane keeps his mouth shot. Somebody send me some impressive pictures about the dust clouds and the lave

miruspeg said...

Ninette - After reading your comment I googled as a follow-up if Icelandic people were happy.
"According to a academic study reported in the Guardian in 2006, Icelanders are the happiest people on earth. (The study was lent some credibility by the finding that the Russians were the most unhappy.)"
"The philosophy behind everything we do,is that we must challenge the children with a broad educational foundation, teach them in a warm, creative environment where we respect everyone equally".

Thanks for enlightening my knowledge. I will add Iceland to my bucket list of places to visit. :)

miruspeg said...

Marja - Bjork is a woman with unique voice and very popular but one I am not too keen on.
Thanks for keeping your fingers crossed for our trip to Norway. You made me laugh when you said "the volcano keeps his mouth shut" too.

I am pretty sure we will get there and back without a hitch. :D

Anonymous said...

Did you know that Iceland also exports bananas? Sounds odd - but they grow them in greenhouses heated geothermally and with all that daylight - it's a no brainer.

As for the eruption - I thought everyone knew it was Gordon Brown's fault - if you read the UK press you'd think so anyway.

I hope the volcano quietens down by the time of your trip and the angels arrange a fantastic light show of northern lights - now that's the kind of natural phenomenon I like!

miruspeg said...

Stoneweaver how on earth did you know that Iceland exports bananas!
Oh and I am not surprised that Gordon Brown got blamed for the eruption....LOL.

I am hoping the angels will look after us while we are over there and what an added bonus if the Northern Lights put on a light show for that would be phenomenal!

Hope the angels are taking care of you my special friend.
Hugs and love
Peggy xxxx

Evil Shannanigans said...

you are welcome here anytime Pegs...Im not going anywhere. Come in the summer though...unless you like -40 temperatures. :)

miruspeg said...

Well its a done deal then Shannon...see you in the summer of 2012. :)