It is our memory of fear and pain that makes us feel so vulnerable. It is this feeling of vulnerability that makes us want to control and predict the future at all costs.
I would like to present a personal example. I was reared in a family where a fearful attitude always seemed to prevail. I bought into a philosophy that said, "The past is awful, the moment is horrendous, and the next moment is going to be worse". And, of course, we were all correct in our predictions since we shared the same assumptions.
Our old belief system assumes that anger occurs because we have been attacked. It also assumes that counterattack is justified in return, and that we are responsible for "protecting" ourselves, but are not responsible for the need to do so.
If we are willing, it is possible to change our belief system. However, to do so we must take a new look at every one of our cherished assumptions and values from the past. This means letting go of any investment in holding on to fear, anger, guilt or pain.
It means letting the past slip away and with it all the fears from the past that we keep extending into the present and future.
"I am determined to see things differently" means that we are truly willing to get rid of the past and future in order to experience now as it really is.
Most of my life I have acted as if I were a robot, responding to what other people said or did. NOW I recognise that my responses are determined only by the decisions I make. I claim my freedom by exercising the power of my decision to see people and events with LOVE instead of fear.
“Fear less, Hope more; Eat less, Chew more; Whine less, Breathe more; Talk less, Say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours” - Swedish Proverb
This photo taken at the Australian Reptile Park, Somersby, Sydney in March 2007 was my "A" photo....see my previous post for details.
21 comments:
I too copied much of what I thought as a result of my father's poisionous words, critical attitude and constant anger. It translated into self-hate and zero self-confidence for me.
I only recently recognized it, and am trying to consciously change it.
I love how you make your decisions now, Miruspeg ! Very very wise and wonderful :)
Good advice with that Swedish quote ;) i'll start with chew more.
love,
~Silver
Hi Peggy,
Thanks so much for sharing part of the journey you've been on, and the steps you've taken to change your belief system. Seeing through the eyes of love - how wonderful is that!!
You are right Peg fear can take over our lives and shut out the love that we all deserve. Marianne Williamson talks about how Fear is that worry that the result will not be what we want or something we can control. It is the opposite of love isnt' it?It is difficult to reverse those little "dvd's" playing in our heads. We almost always need something outside of ourselves to even be aware of their hold on us. I think your philosophy class is an amazing tool to gently guide you into another belief system,and I think my yoga is doing that for me. Excellent post as always!
Once again I resonate with your post. When you are brought up in a fearful household - all you 'know' is how to be fearful. It chimes back in with this 'familiarity' thing. Sometimes we choose to be fat/fearful/sad because it is what we know. 'Better the Devil you know'. And though we are unhappy, at least we know what's coming. I read something about abundance along the lines of 'your life will be as abundant as you can bear it to be'. In other words, how good can you stand it!? That set me thinking all right. But as you say - we can change. As adults we can choose how we react. We can choose to trust instead of fear. And that isn't the same as blind faith. It means that we trust ourselves to figure it all out - and that we will be ok whatever happens along the journey. Come Hell or high water! (What a curious expression - I wonder where it originates!?)
I am lucky that fear did not run rampant in my family...but I was really good at creating my own fears! I am finally learning to let go of that thinking. I am opening my heart more than ever. I am also giving up control...oh does that feel good!
lol pegs, i too have grown up in a family of doomsdayers...i still have to consciously "struggle and challenge" to buck the trend they so love! but sometimes, for the sake of peace it's easier to just say nothing (it can be tiring going against the grain all the time esp when other people are so convinced they know what's best for you!)
Annie - It was my mother who had the critical attitude and negative words causing my self-hate and zero self-confidence. She still carries alot of negativity around with her but I am now able now to block it out and try and teach her (very gently) how having a positive attitude is so much healthier than a negative one.
Thanks for sharing your experience my wise friend.
Silver - When I went searching for quotes and found this one I loved the simplicity yet it is BOLD and awesome! I definitely need to CHEW more too, from my childhood I have always bolted down my food when eatting alone.
Lance - Thank YOU Lance, reading your posts have inspired me to stay positive and see the love in the world.
Coach - I could not be happier with practical philosophy and choosing this path for myself. I have learned about so many different ideas, beliefs and people as well as about my own philosophies, questions and understanding of the world. In addition, philosophy has given me the ability to think critically, write clearly and to look at the world completely differently. I look forward to studying and using philosophy for the rest of my life - continuously improving myself.
I KNOW yoga is doing the same for you!
Healingstones - I love reading your comments (I know I am repeating myself..lol).Reading each sentence I go yes, yes, yes, yes....You knew I would go and look up where "Come Hell or High water originated...the consensus seems to be:
"In spite of hell and high water’ is a legacy of the cattle trail when the cowboys drove their horn-spiked masses of longhorns through high water at every river and continuous hell between.”
Caroline - You definitely ARE opening your heart more and more. Your blog is a ray of sunshine with your beautiful photography and thought provoking posts.
Macs - I LOVE the way you think and write. I often say nothing too because sometimes I don't have the energy and I know they don't want to hear my views. Other days I "take the bull by the horns" and they surprise me with their understanding!
Your journey and how you share it with others is such an inspiration. I want to get to that place one day.... You are definitely on to something GOOD! Or better... something GREAT. How wonderful to be able to look at life with clear vision, not clouded up with past experiences that blur our perceptions.
Hugs,
Roban
Good for you, Peggy :) ONe of the hardest thing to do is to let go of old fearful and destructive attitudes. The good news is you are 100 percent correct in that it can be done! I love that proverb myself...thanks for reminding me about it :D
On a side note, is that reptile a real creature that roams this earth? I would not want to run into him on a deserted trail...LOL
Have a Happy and Enlightening Day!
xox
Kelly
Roban - Many thanks for your KIND WORDS. Your words give me the encouragement I need to keep putting pen to paper and posting about my new beliefs. It has been a very long journey and a very painful one at times, but finally being able to let go of those old beliefs and being at peace with myself has been so rewarding.
Kelly - Bless you my dear friend for you are one of the most supportive bloggers I know.
That Australian reptile is called a Frilled Neck Lizard. Isn't it an awesome creature! It ranges in length between 2 and 3 feet and eats mainly insects, spiders and other invertebrates. It lives in the northern parts of Australia.
The frilled-neck is a great attraction at Australian zoos as the kids love to see it expand its frills. Its natural habitat, however, are the Australian deserts. They do this trick with their frills in the wild to scare away predators and to protect their territory. These creatures are relatively harmless to humans.
Letting go of past baggage is very liberating. Good for you!!!!
I love how you are so uplifting and positive now despite your childhood experiences. What an incredible journey for you!
I happen to like talk less and say more a great deal!
A wise man once told me a story. A story of “comfort” and change. We sit in our room called life surrounded by our “baggage”, our boxes of fears, stress, despair, self doubt. ..We’ve filled our room with negative boxes, there is no room for the boxes of Hope, Love and Self worth. A stranger knocks at our door and wants to give us a package: Joy, Hope, Love, Laughter…Our room is so full we can’t fit another box, so we say, go away, I can’t fit you in my space, there’s no more room. Our fear keeps us holding onto our old belongings, we can’t let go. Another knock comes, “come on, you know me, let me in. give me a box and I’ll put it out here, there’ll be room then for me”. Again you are comfortable with all your possessions from the past. You won’t give up even one comfortable negative box even though deep down you know you really want to make room for something new…
Another knock comes and again the voice says; “give me your boxes, I’ll take them from you and give you mine filled with Love, Hope, self worth, Peace…. Just give me your old boxes, I’ll take them away”. Reluctantly you give away a small box of fear. A place is open and a golden box of Hope fills it’s place. A smile crosses your face. Another box is let go and a silver box of Love takes it’s place.
Little by little, the knock comes and you give an old box away only to find a new box of Faith, Hope, Love, Happiness, fill it’s place. Your room is Lighter and your heart is free to explore the Joys of life with all it’s Wisdom and Grace.
I too am cleaning out my room of “old patterns”, “old thinking” and slowly replacing them with enlightenment, Hope and Love. (The problem is, I dislike housekeeping… change is never easy but it’s the only constant thing in life.) Embrace the changes in life and fill your room with wonderful colorful boxes that bring energy, Light, healing and Love.
Love and Light to you my friend. Always, Nina P.
Joanna - One of the biggest causes of stress today is all of this old baggage. So as each bit gets left behind, like you said it is so liberating.
Monica - Sometime I wish I could talk less and say more.....I am slowly learning to keep my mouth shut and listen more.
Nina
Thanks for sharing this comfort and change story.
"Little by little, the knock comes and you give an old box away only to find a new box of Faith, Hope, Love, Happiness, fill it’s place".
I have printed it out and will read it often.
I laughed when I read you dislike housekeeping....me too. I used to be sooo fixated with it when I was married, now I can take it or leave it....mostly leave it!
Bless you
Peggy
Mmm did we come from the same family? Yes I have one of those mothers which should balance out given I had totally the opposite in my father. I never felt good enough for my academic and accomplished mother (how she ended up with my Dad who left school at 12 is beyond me but it works for them). To this day I do not feel good enough in her eyes and I dont think that will change any. After certain incidents in my life I have had to come to terms with this lack of self love that I had and the impact it was having on my life. I had to take responbility and forget about seeking approval from others. The shame is we carry these things with us, have our own kids do the same to them then we get to our middle years, wake up and its often too late to stop the cycle. I am trying and love reading your posts and Annies too. Lovely music as always Peggy.
Lilly - We do not come from the same family but I feel Annie, you and I and many others are on this wonderful road of self-discovery or better still enlightenment.
We are purposely sharing so much about our past like you did in your comment, paving the way to a better understanding of ourselves
and exploring how we can meet new challenges. This quote is a fine example of what I am talking about.
"You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself". ~Alan Alda
If I understand correctly (which I m not sure I am) I had a so very different experience in growing up, that I cannot start to paint the picture ...
My dad was always optimist, maybe that's why I kept on fighting the obstacles life presented in the way?
But, as I said, not sure I get the total exact meaning of the whole thing, I'm a bit slow in English when intelligent writing comes to it....
But anything that advocates for a postive attitude is great :)
Never apologise for your English Cynthia....it is the only language I speak, I am not multilingual like you are, so you are way ahead of me in the language stakes!!
How wonderful to have an optimist father, as he has certainly left his stamp with you which is helping you fight the obstacles life is presenting to you.
Big hugs
Peggy
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