Saturday, 1 November 2008

Birth Order of Children

This delightful piece came via an email. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did. Love to hear Octamom's views on this one.

A New Life
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your Obstetrician/Gynecologist confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby : You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, colour-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

1st baby: At the first sign of distress, a whimper, a frown, you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your first born.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to
complainabout the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, Baby Zoo, Baby Movies and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners.

Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins (a favourite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!

GRANDCHILDREN: God's reward for allowing your children to live!

Another photo taken whilst barging in Eastern France, June 2008. I was so pleased I had my camera at the ready as this is the only shot I got of this beautiful swan family.


McMGrad89 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
McMGrad89 said...

Glad to see your computer woes don't have you down.

I can relate with most of these. Other than the daycare that I send James to I can count the number of times either of my children have had a babysitter on one hand.

I never liked them, don't like looking for one, many other quirky reasons.

Brandi said...

LOve it, but my favorite is the line about grandchildren. Yes I am so glad I let my daughter live, but in raising her I do know why many species eat their young!!!

Ron said...

I know you are waiting patiently for Octomom to comment .. but ..

I laughed at the reality of the post .. First wife and I had 3 girls .. she was 21 when first was born .. when she moved her into her own bed and room, she would wake at every whimper .. by the third girl, they would have to come stand by the bed and scream ..

Ah .. but the joy of dealing with a first time pregnant friend .. they act as if they are the first person ever to be pregnant .. everything is brand new to them and they cant understand why you arent as excited because of the flutters in their midsection ..

Gill said...

LOL this is a great post! Having 3 delights of my own i totally relate...wonder what Octamom adds to the list? LOL

Anonymous said...

Great fun to read this post (and all of your previous ones, of course!) A lot of truth in this for child one and child two and I can't say for child three and I'm not likely to try THAT out now! The 'more relaxed' approach of dealing with the later children would have been the best way, too, of treating the first!CJ

Fly Girl said...

With only one child, I can certainly relate to the activities of a first-time parent. As the third child of my parents, I can also relate. While my parents kept tons of my sisters' pictures and school projects tucked away in boxes, there were few photographs of me and even fewer drawings and poems from my younger years!

I've been busy this week and unable to visit.... I hope your computer troubles are all sorted out now!


Octamom said...

I love this little list and think it is so cute! But, alas, I don't fit the profile....

I may disappoint on this one--I actually have always been a very easy going mom...and by the time you get to 7 & 8--well, I posted a little something about that this past week

But seriously, I have just always enjoyed kids being kids and just kind of followed my gut. I would see other moms being more nervous and I would think, "Hmm, should I be more worried/concerned/germaphobic? Naahhh..." We'll have to see if AVT agrees with me on this, but she's known me a long while now and has seen my more grandma-esque ways. Kids want to wear costumes all day, fine. Want to eat broccoli for breakfast and cereal for dinner, that's cool. I would think I was giving myself more credit if it weren't for the photographic record of 1 of 8 when she was 1 of 1 all covered in frosting while we made cupcakes and all covered in marker when I let her color herself and all decked in Christmas clothes in July....

What do you think,AVT Coach? You've seen my mommy-style in action through the years...


Melissa B. said...

Dear Superior Scribbler: Sorry for the "canned" and unrelated nature of this comment, but I wanted to get to as many of you tonite as possible. One of the things that we at Scholastic Scribe are most proud of is the Silly Sunday Sweepstakes. Several of you are already familiar with the arbitrary and quite inane weekly attempt at humor...for you, and for those of you who have not yet played Sx3, I urge you to drop by Sunday to see what's up. Oh, and congrats on being named a SS. You earned it!

miruspeg said...

Now I know why you are such a special individual definitely DON'T disappoint!

Way to go enjoying each child and 'following your gut'. The more people that read your blog and realise that children are a blessing, the happier, healthier place this world will be.

Thanks for sharing your wise words.


Caroline said...

Ha! I love that! It is so true...I only have 2 kids, but it's right on the mark!