Thursday, 7 May 2009

Doormat to Persian Rug

"I decided to move from being a doormat to being a Persian rug" - Babette Bensoussan

The state of being a doormat is not one we wish upon ourselves. Far from it. It's the last thing anyone wants. It's a cunning subtle process that creeps up on you, until one day you realise you have achieved doormat status with one person in particular. You have given away your power!

I've lived this one. It took time and distance to realise that there are better ways of living my life than succumbing to victim mentality and submissiveness. I found it was important to rescue the situation so I could be in control of my life. That's when I decided I wouldn't be a doormat again.

When we are single or have left a work situation in which we were submissive, it seems so easy. "That's never going to happen to me again". I found it never just "happens" to us anyway. We allow it to happen. No one in the world wants to be the type of person who lets others wipe their feet all over us so that we become worn and tatty. How much sweeter to be admired and acknowledged because of our ability to respectfully and courteously speak our truth.

I have discovered that when new relationships begins that I need to be careful I don't set up the same circumstances once more. It's time to examine my motives, actions and expectations. It's time to speak honestly about my values and desires and consistently live them.

Reading Babette Bensoussan's quote, I realised that moving to the status of Persian rug in a relationship was the only way to be happy. So like a bolt of lightening, the obvious struck me. I needed to buy a Persian rug to have a constant presence of commitment to myself!

One Saturday morning I went along to a neighbourhood store and purchased one with a traditional pattern that sang loudly to my soul. Now, as I work in my home office, the wonderful rug is beneath my feet.

The very first night I had the rug in place, I poured myself a glass of wine, lit two candles and sat cross-legged on it. Its effect as a flying carpet couldn't be overlooked. It is now a constant reminder of my Persian rug status and a powerful prod to remind me to never be a doormat again.

It also represents heartfelt desires and colourful adventures in faraway lands.

So come fly with me on your magic carpet, up up and away......


Loving Annie said...

Learnings like this really help you get congruent with your soul, respecting it, acknowledging it and affirming it. Buying the rug was a great idea !

mscherrylane said...

Hmm this post just reminded me that I used to play this as a child...pretending I was on a magic flying carpet like in Aladdin...boy am I really suffering itchy feet and itchy mind...if only I could just fly alway on one right now!

Cozyflier said...

Congrats to you for finding a way to get out of the role of being the carpet. So often we find that women get out of one relationship and jump right back into the same kind with a different person.

Of course I'll come fly with you! My carpet is the runway for your carpet to land on!! I'm not joking!

Octamom said...

Love this--and how wise you are to incorporate the past lessons of life without bitterness but with application and growth...

I always learn something precious when I stop by your 'place'!


Butler and Bagman said...

Flying carpet. I used to think it would work if I only believed enough. I sat a lot and believed real hard. The rug never flew but I think I often do.

Cathy said...

I felt your power, strength and determination in your post, the rug under your feet is so empowering.
I wanted to jump on that rug with you, I have situations not people that keep me down. But even more than wanting to fly with you, I want to push a few others, onto the rug. Sigh I cant do it for them.
Beautiful post

Mommy2Twinkies-Deb said...

I love that! I love your symbolism! I've also in the past been a doormat. I am now a Persian rug, and it's awesome. You are so poetic and thoughtful! Thanks!

Hybrid J said...

Your post touched my "Single" soul again. Thanks again for the word of wisdom and here come another award for you. Come to my place to claim the Noblesse Award! Yeah! :)

Anonymous said...

What a brilliant quote - and wonderful story! :o) I have heard of 'me' rings (when you go buy a dazzling gem to remind you of your commitment to yourself) but this is somehow a stronger more powerful symbol.

Anonymous said...

Hey you! I have your fluorite pendant! Why don't you email me ( and give me your address? :o) It is a lovely stone its colour changes in the light, sometimes green sometimes purplish.

miss amy said...

What a great post! Thank you for reminding me to pay attention to what is going on on my relationships. Sometimes it is easy to be taken for granted with some people and not even realize what is happening before it is a little too late.
I just may go and buy a rug. Great idea.

miruspeg said...

Annie - Actually writing this post about the rug has empowered me tremendously and then reading everyone's comments is heartwarming.

Macs - I also played the flying magic carpet game as a child. Hey you have just given me an idea...I'll play the game with Joseph next Monday.

Carrie - I do feel very fortunate I didn't jump into the same kind of doormat relationship with a different person. I was 47 and luckily a little bit of wisdom was creeping into my psyche.
Will be landing on your doorstep in July 2010.

Octamom - Thankfully the getting of wisdom leaves bitterness behind. We learn from each other here in the blogosphere.

Mark - I bet Butler and Bagman know how to fly a magic carpet. I just adore your alter egos.

Cathy - Don't underestimate yourself, you are riding that magic carpet every day. You only have to look at Aden to see how you are working your magic.

Deb - Isn't it empowering being a Persian rug....the joy we spread around is so fulfilling.

Hybrid - Hey are you spoiling me or what, with these lovely awards! Pleased the post touched your single soul.

Healingstones - What a generous soul you are. I am so looking forward to the fluorite pendant. I can sit on my Persian rug wearing my pendant and be carried away.

Amy - You and your new fiance can fly whereever you want together. You already have the magic, you only need the rug!

Christine said...

It's so hard to put ourselves first sometimes, but necessary. Love the symbolism of the persian rug!

Fly Girl said...

I love this post and how you shared the path you have taken from being a doormat to a Persian rug. What a wonderful idea to have the reminder in front of you every day. And of course I love the reference to your magic carpet.... I used to dream of having one of my own!

I don't think I'm either one.... Not a doormat but not quite a Persian rug either. I'll have to work on that!


TheChicGeek said...

Peggy, what a perfect post. It is so true that we are the ones that allow ourselves to become doormats. Good for you placing a constant reminder in your home! I love the symbolism of the Persian rug to the doormat :)
Happy Traveling on your Magic Carpet! May all your dreams come true :)
Happy Mother's Day and Happy Weekend!

miruspeg said...

Christine - You are so right in saying putting ourselves first is quite difficult sometimes. But I have found if we each respectfully and courteously speak our truth what a difference we can make to the world we live in.

Roban - I love flying away on my magic carpet, I visit all my blog friends regularly. I will meet you on the 2nd star on the right if you want to join me!

Kelly - My dreams are coming true. I feel so blessed, I am learning to let my imagination guide me to wonderous places. May all your dreams come true as well.

Silver said...

i envision that many of your blogging friends are joining you in adventures of reaching for the stars.. ;) beautiful spirit you have, Peg.


Lilly said...

Now Peggy do you write these posts just for me because it seems you are. I was a door mat for a long time. I am working my way to being the Persian Rug too and am creating my own pattern. Oh what a powerful symbol it is buying that rug. Do you get the feeing there are many of us blogging who are making the same majic carpet ride? I am printing this out. Thank you for being a wise and clear communicator. You say it and I get it and I thank you for it. Hope you had a great weekend.

miruspeg said...

Silver - I hope you will join me in reaching for the stars, there is plenty of room on my Persian rug.

Lilly - When you wrote "You say it and I get it and I thank you for it"....I give that right back to you in spades.

Poetikat said...

I've lived this one too (to a degree --that's where the poem you just read stems from). Nice to turn one's back on that, isn't it?

Your blog looks entirely different, but it looks terrific! I'm enjoying the Cat Stevens (what does he call himself now? He and "Prince" should collaborate).

That was the nicest thing you said on my blog. I often speak of bloggers with my husband and I'm sure I've mentioned you too.

Be blessed,


miruspeg said...

Kat - It is a wonderful feeling knowing we have 'turned the page' on our journey and then realising anything is possible.
Cat Stevens calls himself Yusuf Islam these days and on 8th May 2009 released a new album "Roadsinger"....sounds terrific. He is also writing the musical "Moonshadow," scheduled to debut in London's West End at the end of 2009.

Pink Heels said...

That is such a great buy an item (small or large) that reminds us of our favoritate quote or mantra. The little subtle nudges it will provide are priceless.

Lost in the maze said...

Wish to have the same guts and means to transform.